I realized the saddest fact the last couple of days.
That my life will literally never be as good as it once was.
You can’t debate it, it’s a fact. My peak times of happiness and pureness have passed and remain only in the pictures of when I was 7, 8, 9, 10 years old. Slowly things started spiraling down from 12…. It’s a pattern that I noticed as I was reflecting on my life. Those stupid life games began. Responsibilities began. Expectations began. And now I am a robot. Mechanically performing the same routine. Day in, day out. Playing this stupid game. Lifeless. Cold. Metal. Alone.
I’m getting to the point where I hate people . And I’m scared of them. And I’m bitter. And I don’t want anything to do with them. I WANT to be alone and fight away the feelings of longing for people, longing for the fixations I get, longing for the imaginary lovers and friends that I make up in my head. They’re all FAKE don’t you realize Nicole!! The people you make up in your mind don’t exist.
I want to be alone. I’m even determined to be alone at this point. I’m even determined to be a robot at this point. It’s clearly written out in the stars that this is how my life is meant to be, so I might as well release to it. I might as well embrace it. I’m going to be the best fucking robotic antisocial lonely individual this world has ever seen.