I have once again gotten caught up in a shallow understanding of beauty.
I am not beautiful because I have gained weight.
I am not beautiful because my thighs touch, my belly protrudes, my arms are softer, bigger, my cheeks are rounder.
I am not beautiful because my teeth are not perfectly straight, and I am not beautiful because my skin is not baby smooth.
I am not beautiful with these scars.
No. No. No. No.
The only situation where I am ever not beautiful is when I am not happy, when I am not balanced, in my mind, body and spirit.
Which, at the given moment, I have fallen out of balance. Like a child walking across the balance beam on the playground, I have tipped off to one side of the beam, reaching with my arms to the other side in a despreate struggle to not succumb to gravitys pull and fall to the ground.
But that is okay. Because life never stands still. It is a constant circle… constant fight for balance. And being off balance does not mean it’s ugly. Because there indeed is “beauty in the breakdown”. There can be grace.
I have forgotten that beauty is not how many guys heads turn to look at me when I’m walking down the street. Beauty is not a count of how many of their eyes light up when they look at you, how many of them flirt with you. Beauty is not the acknowledgement and praise from other girls “Oh you look so tiny!” “You lost weight! You look so good!”… it’s not the look of admiration and envy and amazement in their eyes.. Beauty is not a count of compliments. Beauty is not stepping on a scale and seeing that I am in the 120’s… Where most ‘skinny’ girls are.
I have forgotten what beauty really is.
Beauty is balance. Balance in life. Balance with food. Balance in indulgences. Balance in your mind, your thoughts. Balance in your actions.
Balance is health. Listening to your body. Listening to your spirit. And feeding them both appropriately. Not to fit into some societal agenda, but for the health and satisfaction of your body alone. Health brings happiness. Happiness brings smiles and laughter. And I don’t think there is anything more beautiful than that.
Beauty is meditation. Beauty is yoga. Beauty is spirituality. Beauty is a clear mind. Beauty is forgetting about looking ‘hot’, and forgetting about impressing that one guy. Beauty is oxygenating your body, not to loose weight, but to feed your body, to feed yourself.
Beauty is not for others, it is for yourself.
Most of all beauty is acceptance and love. Acceptance and love for yourself and your body. Listening to it. Collaborating with it. Because in the end, you are on the same team.